Jasper Gets a Title
by VeggieVamp
Summary: Jasper is depressed. Why? Because he doesn't have a specific category to fit into! Like all my other random stories, this one is also extremely random. Not as serious as it sounds if serious at all. Enjoy!


Jasper Gets a Title

Jasper Gets a Title

(Author's note: I don't own Twilight or any of their characters. Please excuse the extremely OOC behaviour. I am incapable of writing anything serious, so like sue me for having to make a joke out of everything. And also, I don't own any songs, or bands mentioned in this fic.)

Edward was whistling as he made his way downstairs. He was surprised to find Jasper seated on the chair in the kitchen, looking miserable. His thoughts were clouded and unclear as he thought many things at once. Fearing the worst, he took a seat beside his brother.

"Hey, Jazz, are you okay?" He asked softly.

Then, Jasper exploded. "No, I AM NOT OKAY!" He yelled, "I ALWAYS FEEL LEFT OUT BECAUSE I'M THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS QUIET AND HAS TO KEEP THEIR DISTANCE FROM YOUR PRECIOUS GIRLFRIEND. I'M THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS LEFT OUT AND SOMETIMES EVEN ALICE DOESN'T WANT TO BE AROUND ME BECAUSE I'M SO DEPRESSING! DID YOU KNOW ON MOST OF THE FAN SITES, I'M DESCRIBED AS MOODY AND EMO WHILE YOU AND EMMETT GET ALL THE GOOD TITLES?"

Edward let him yell it out, then mused, "What kind of titles?"

Jasper shot him a dark look. "For you? The usual. 'OME, Edward is teh hotness! We b getting married cuz he a sexxiii vampireee!!11'" He quoted, "For Emmett? He so cute! He being a big teddibear!1 i wanntt him 2 suk my blood!"

Edward looked amused. He brushed at his bronze hair and grinned at the blond, "So what do these fan girls say about you?"

"Jasper is so sad, I bet he takes pills! Jasper is so emo, he cuts himself with werewolf claws. Jasper is so quiet, he's so shy and sensitive." The vampire quoted in a mocking voice. He sulked again. "Why does everybody think I'm incapable of being a guy? Why don't I have a good title? You have the 'looks', Emmett's got the 'funny personality', what do I have? Razors and Evanescence music!"

Edward started humming one of their songs, earning a smack on the head from Jasper. "Okay, okay," Eddie finally said, "First thing tomorrow morning, Emmett and I will find a new title for you, okay?"

Jasper grimaced but otherwise nodded his agreement.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to Bella's house and watch her sleep like a pedophile, except with exceptional good looks." Edward grinned and left. Jasper put some earphones on and listened to 'Death Cab'.

The next morning, the three guys gathered in the living room. Emmett was grinning while Edward lounged on the sofa, watching the food network. "So, Jazzy, you want a new title, huh?"

Jasper frowned at the use of the nickname but answered, "Yes" reluctantly.

Emmett rubbed his hands together in anticipation, cackling maniacally. "Let's begin."

"How 'bout the musician?" Edward suggested.

Jasper glared at him, "You already have that title. And besides, I don't know how to play anything except the electric guitar and all I know are heavy metal songs. Not exactly going to bring in the fans. Some guys maybe, but not the girls."

"You can be goth or punk or something." Emmett suggested.

"He's already there." Edward laughed.

"Well, then. Problem solved! You can be that emo kid who listens to punk music! Except you can exaggerate everything. Besides, girls think emo guys are hot." Emmett laughed.

Jasper's eyes narrowed. "How would you know?" he drawled.

"Er…let's not talk about that. Let's go get you some black clothes first." Emmett said, eager to get out of the uncomfortable topic before running out of the room.

Edward fought a smile as Jasper hummed "Vampires will never hurt you" under his breath.

Emmett soon returned with a whole box of stuff. Jasper looked through it, slightly amused. "Where'd you get all this stuff?" He asked.

"You know Alice; she would buy anything she sees. That's the reason why we have a garage full of rubber duckies and a closet full of clown wigs." Emmett rolled his eyes, "We're better stocked than any mall on Earth. Come to think of it, we have more stuff than anywhere else on Earth."

Jasper chuckled, examining a studded leather belt.

"Hey! No laughing! Emo's don't laugh, and you have to keep the entire 'I don't give a damn' attitude and expression in EVERYTHING that you do, you can't be happy or sad. You have to KEEP THE SAME EMOTION!" Emmett yelled.

Jasper sighed. "This stuff is hard."

"No sighing!" Emmett reminded him.

"Oh, and here," Edward handed him a black ipod. Jasper looked at it suspiciously, "What is that?"

"I got all your essential music on this ipod. Enjoy!" Edward smiled, holding out the dark music player. Jasper fought a sigh and grabbed it in one of his lightning fast movements.

"Thank You for the Venom? If I Was Your Vampire?" Jasper scrolled through the songs in disbelief, "Oh My Dracula, what did you have to be all ironic on me?"

Edward smiled wryly, "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Jasper was now mouthing the words, "Love at first bite" in horror as "Vampire love" blasted from the earphones. Emmett sniggered.

"I'm sure the fanfiction writers everywhere are rejoicing now," Edward laughed, "This is certainly something to write about."

Jasper recovered quickly. "Okay, you know what? I don't care what people say, I'm sick of all this. I'm just going to be myself from now on."

Then he stomped from the room, calling, "I'm going to go listen to Mirrorball by Alice Nine than I'm going to catch NBA at 6 and after that, I'm going shopping for ball gowns with Alice."

There was a moment of stunned silence. "Wow. That was probably one of the weirdest combination of words I've ever heard." Emmett shook his head.

"Oh well." Edward was typing in his laptop, and smiled to himself.

"What are you doing?"

"Telling the fanfiction world about all that of course. You don't think I would let them miss out on this, do you? They'll be writing fanfics about this one for ages."

THE END


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